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Sequel
Jun 18, 2015 0:45:33 GMT
Post by DraconRa on Jun 18, 2015 0:45:33 GMT
So, how many times do you think Jenny will be saying "This guy. This fucking guy." within the first chapter? Often enough, that a drinking game would end in alcohol poisening, probably.
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Sequel
Jun 18, 2015 16:09:13 GMT
Post by kristy on Jun 18, 2015 16:09:13 GMT
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Post by rhiannon on Jun 18, 2015 17:33:14 GMT
"A mess of chestnut hair, pale limbs and brown shoes." Do I watch too many crime thrillers, or does this not sound like the remains of a murder victim?
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Sequel
Jun 18, 2015 17:43:27 GMT
Post by rhiannon on Jun 18, 2015 17:43:27 GMT
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ella
Junior Member
Posts: 78
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Post by ella on Jun 18, 2015 23:04:13 GMT
I would love to see (or perhaps I can write) a series of stories based on the viewpoints of all the random side characters that are supposedly all jealous of Chedward and Ana's glorious love.
Like the Restaurant Waitress that Ana harbors so much hate for because she looked at Christian while waiting on them...
It's almost the end of my shift when they walk in. Shelly, the Hostess and I share the quick glance of "ugh" and she quickly turns to face him with a big fake smile. It's that Grey asshole, the one that we all dread seeing come in, because he is every server's worst nightmare. He insists on having the stupidist things; an 8 ounce glass of some kind of fancy imported water with 3 ice cubes in it, so of course we give him some dasani with 3 ice cubes and charge him twice. He never looks at a menu and just orders random shit, usually things that don't really exist, he just strings together some fancy food words to sound like a dish. Last month he ordered kobe chicken tartare with a side of roasted kale infused with truffle oil, unfortunately we couldn't poison him, so the chef had me go to the market and get those perdue precooked chicken strips and he microwaved those up, slopped some boiled spinach on the side, and we charged him $250. Then to top it all off he never tips. At all. Ever. He could be bringing in his business buddies and spend thousands of dollars, and he makes sure to put a big fat zero in the tip portion of the bill. Now you wonder why we overcharge him? Ugh, and he's back again, and with a date no less, it will probably make him more insufferable if he feels he needs to show off how important he is. I drew the short straw and Shelly seats them in my area and gives me a quiet "sorry" as we pass by each other. I take a deep breath, put on the biggest, fakest most painful smile I can and head over to the table. "Good evening! Would you like to see the wine list?" I ask, knowing that he won't bother to look at it. "That won't be necessary, We'll each have a glass of the Pinot Merlot Chardonnay, vintage please, nothing from this century, I have a refined taste." That doesn't even exist, ugh, I hate this guy. His date must be pretty naive because she's just sitting there all smiles and giggles. I try to stiffle back my own laughter at his wine order, and give him some happy waitress platitudes, because even if this piece of shit doesn't tip, we charge him enough to make up and he doesn't seem to care. We may hate him, but his money is still green and we just gotta deal with it. When I come back with their vintage pinot whatever (Costco box wine mixed with grape juice), his date is shooting me the evilest look. Shit! Is she on to me? is she on to us? Did she figure out that we're fleecing this rich guy because he's an asshole? Shit shit shit. I collect myself and ask if they are ready to order. He gives his ridiculous order, today he wants beef done in an impossible way; I guess someone is making a trip to Burger King. Then this douchecanoe orders for her, of course it's a salad for her. Fuck this guy, ugh, he's the worst. Meanwhile she keeps giving me dirty looks and makes a point to put her hands on him and kiss his cheek. Oh man, is she jealous of me? Does she really think this guy is such a fucking catch? Damn, that poor girl, she can keep him and his overblown sense of self importance.
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Sequel
Jun 18, 2015 23:38:03 GMT
Post by mydogspa on Jun 18, 2015 23:38:03 GMT
I would love to see (or perhaps I can write) a series of stories based on the viewpoints of all the random side characters that are supposedly all jealous of Chedward and Ana's glorious love. Like the Restaurant Waitress that Ana harbors so much hate for because she looked at Christian while waiting on them... It's almost the end of my shift when they walk in. Shelly, the Hostess and I share the quick glance of "ugh" and she quickly turns to face him with a big fake smile. It's that Grey asshole, the one that we all dread seeing come in, because he is every server's worst nightmare. He insists on having the stupidist things; an 8 ounce glass of some kind of fancy imported water with 3 ice cubes in it, so of course we give him some dasani with 3 ice cubes and charge him twice. He never looks at a menu and just orders random shit, usually things that don't really exist, he just strings together some fancy food words to sound like a dish. Last month he ordered kobe chicken tartare with a side of roasted kale infused with truffle oil, unfortunately we couldn't poison him, so the chef had me go to the market and get those perdue precooked chicken strips and he microwaved those up, slopped some boiled spinach on the side, and we charged him $250. Then to top it all off he never tips. At all. Ever. He could be bringing in his business buddies and spend thousands of dollars, and he makes sure to put a big fat zero in the tip portion of the bill. Now you wonder why we overcharge him? Ugh, and he's back again, and with a date no less, it will probably make him more insufferable if he feels he needs to show off how important he is. I drew the short straw and Shelly seats them in my area and gives me a quiet "sorry" as we pass by each other. I take a deep breath, put on the biggest, fakest most painful smile I can and head over to the table. "Good evening! Would you like to see the wine list?" I ask, knowing that he won't bother to look at it. "That won't be necessary, We'll each have a glass of the Pinot Merlot Chardonnay, vintage please, nothing from this century, I have a refined taste." That doesn't even exist, ugh, I hate this guy. His date must be pretty naive because she's just sitting there all smiles and giggles. I try to stiffle back my own laughter at his wine order, and give him some happy waitress platitudes, because even if this piece of shit doesn't tip, we charge him enough to make up and he doesn't seem to care. We may hate him, but his money is still green and we just gotta deal with it. When I come back with their vintage pinot whatever (Costco box wine mixed with grape juice), his date is shooting me the evilest look. Shit! Is she on to me? is she on to us? Did she figure out that we're fleecing this rich guy because he's an asshole? Shit shit shit. I collect myself and ask if they are ready to order. He gives his ridiculous order, today he wants beef done in an impossible way; I guess someone is making a trip to Burger King. Then this douchecanoe orders for her, of course it's a salad for her. Fuck this guy, ugh, he's the worst. Meanwhile she keeps giving me dirty looks and makes a point to put her hands on him and kiss his cheek. Oh man, is she jealous of me? Does she really think this guy is such a fucking catch? Damn, that poor girl, she can keep him and his overblown sense of self importance. Ella-- Brilliant! We'll have to marry my helicopter crash with this somehow . . . Thanks.
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Sequel
Jun 19, 2015 1:28:11 GMT
Post by muskratthemink on Jun 19, 2015 1:28:11 GMT
I would love to see (or perhaps I can write) a series of stories based on the viewpoints of all the random side characters that are supposedly all jealous of Chedward and Ana's glorious love. Like the Restaurant Waitress that Ana harbors so much hate for because she looked at Christian while waiting on them... It's almost the end of my shift when they walk in. Shelly, the Hostess and I share the quick glance of "ugh" and she quickly turns to face him with a big fake smile. It's that Grey asshole, the one that we all dread seeing come in, because he is every server's worst nightmare. He insists on having the stupidist things; an 8 ounce glass of some kind of fancy imported water with 3 ice cubes in it, so of course we give him some dasani with 3 ice cubes and charge him twice. He never looks at a menu and just orders random shit, usually things that don't really exist, he just strings together some fancy food words to sound like a dish. Last month he ordered kobe chicken tartare with a side of roasted kale infused with truffle oil, unfortunately we couldn't poison him, so the chef had me go to the market and get those perdue precooked chicken strips and he microwaved those up, slopped some boiled spinach on the side, and we charged him $250. Then to top it all off he never tips. At all. Ever. He could be bringing in his business buddies and spend thousands of dollars, and he makes sure to put a big fat zero in the tip portion of the bill. Now you wonder why we overcharge him? Ugh, and he's back again, and with a date no less, it will probably make him more insufferable if he feels he needs to show off how important he is. I drew the short straw and Shelly seats them in my area and gives me a quiet "sorry" as we pass by each other. I take a deep breath, put on the biggest, fakest most painful smile I can and head over to the table. "Good evening! Would you like to see the wine list?" I ask, knowing that he won't bother to look at it. "That won't be necessary, We'll each have a glass of the Pinot Merlot Chardonnay, vintage please, nothing from this century, I have a refined taste." That doesn't even exist, ugh, I hate this guy. His date must be pretty naive because she's just sitting there all smiles and giggles. I try to stiffle back my own laughter at his wine order, and give him some happy waitress platitudes, because even if this piece of shit doesn't tip, we charge him enough to make up and he doesn't seem to care. We may hate him, but his money is still green and we just gotta deal with it. When I come back with their vintage pinot whatever (Costco box wine mixed with grape juice), his date is shooting me the evilest look. Shit! Is she on to me? is she on to us? Did she figure out that we're fleecing this rich guy because he's an asshole? Shit shit shit. I collect myself and ask if they are ready to order. He gives his ridiculous order, today he wants beef done in an impossible way; I guess someone is making a trip to Burger King. Then this douchecanoe orders for her, of course it's a salad for her. Fuck this guy, ugh, he's the worst. Meanwhile she keeps giving me dirty looks and makes a point to put her hands on him and kiss his cheek. Oh man, is she jealous of me? Does she really think this guy is such a fucking catch? Damn, that poor girl, she can keep him and his overblown sense of self importance. Oh, my God that's freaking perfect. Maybe there could be a new thread entirely for shorts like this. Maybe it could be some kind of forum-wide project.
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ella
Junior Member
Posts: 78
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Sequel
Jun 19, 2015 7:43:01 GMT
Post by ella on Jun 19, 2015 7:43:01 GMT
I would love to see (or perhaps I can write) a series of stories based on the viewpoints of all the random side characters that are supposedly all jealous of Chedward and Ana's glorious love. Like the Restaurant Waitress that Ana harbors so much hate for because she looked at Christian while waiting on them... It's almost the end of my shift when they walk in. Shelly, the Hostess and I share the quick glance of "ugh" and she quickly turns to face him with a big fake smile. It's that Grey asshole, the one that we all dread seeing come in, because he is every server's worst nightmare. He insists on having the stupidist things; an 8 ounce glass of some kind of fancy imported water with 3 ice cubes in it, so of course we give him some dasani with 3 ice cubes and charge him twice. He never looks at a menu and just orders random shit, usually things that don't really exist, he just strings together some fancy food words to sound like a dish. Last month he ordered kobe chicken tartare with a side of roasted kale infused with truffle oil, unfortunately we couldn't poison him, so the chef had me go to the market and get those perdue precooked chicken strips and he microwaved those up, slopped some boiled spinach on the side, and we charged him $250. Then to top it all off he never tips. At all. Ever. He could be bringing in his business buddies and spend thousands of dollars, and he makes sure to put a big fat zero in the tip portion of the bill. Now you wonder why we overcharge him? Ugh, and he's back again, and with a date no less, it will probably make him more insufferable if he feels he needs to show off how important he is. I drew the short straw and Shelly seats them in my area and gives me a quiet "sorry" as we pass by each other. I take a deep breath, put on the biggest, fakest most painful smile I can and head over to the table. "Good evening! Would you like to see the wine list?" I ask, knowing that he won't bother to look at it. "That won't be necessary, We'll each have a glass of the Pinot Merlot Chardonnay, vintage please, nothing from this century, I have a refined taste." That doesn't even exist, ugh, I hate this guy. His date must be pretty naive because she's just sitting there all smiles and giggles. I try to stiffle back my own laughter at his wine order, and give him some happy waitress platitudes, because even if this piece of shit doesn't tip, we charge him enough to make up and he doesn't seem to care. We may hate him, but his money is still green and we just gotta deal with it. When I come back with their vintage pinot whatever (Costco box wine mixed with grape juice), his date is shooting me the evilest look. Shit! Is she on to me? is she on to us? Did she figure out that we're fleecing this rich guy because he's an asshole? Shit shit shit. I collect myself and ask if they are ready to order. He gives his ridiculous order, today he wants beef done in an impossible way; I guess someone is making a trip to Burger King. Then this douchecanoe orders for her, of course it's a salad for her. Fuck this guy, ugh, he's the worst. Meanwhile she keeps giving me dirty looks and makes a point to put her hands on him and kiss his cheek. Oh man, is she jealous of me? Does she really think this guy is such a fucking catch? Damn, that poor girl, she can keep him and his overblown sense of self importance. Oh, my God that's freaking perfect. Maybe there could be a new thread entirely for shorts like this. Maybe it could be some kind of forum-wide project. That would be fun! I'll start a thread.
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xebi
Full Member
Posts: 144
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Sequel
Jun 19, 2015 10:58:22 GMT
via mobile
Post by xebi on Jun 19, 2015 10:58:22 GMT
Ella-- Brilliant! We'll have to marry my helicopter crash with this somehow . . . Thanks. I would marry your helicopter crash
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xebi
Full Member
Posts: 144
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Post by xebi on Jun 19, 2015 11:07:15 GMT
This article sucks donkey balls. What? Fuck off. Huh? No it wasn't, it was a piece of abuse-glorifying shit. Which book did this person read? Oh so you have caught on. You're quick. What?! Fuck off. What. WHAT. Seriously? Fuck off. So all women who wear a size four (British size four, presumably?) are failing to "eat properly" and you should not date them. Yeah, of course. Whatever. I'm done.
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Sequel
Jun 19, 2015 15:36:49 GMT
Post by rhiannon on Jun 19, 2015 15:36:49 GMT
Re the size 4 - yeah, especially considering Ana's supposed to be, what, 22? At that age it is not usually that hard to be slim without much effort! The review pisses me off partly because I have a friend who is currently struggling getting enough work in journalism and meanwhile someone like THAT has managed to bag a job at the Guardian...? Not fair...
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mrgbh
Full Member
Posts: 188
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Post by mrgbh on Jun 19, 2015 15:47:43 GMT
I guess it's good news that it's easier for people to understand why we find Grey so creepy. I guess? Between the movie and this book, her fanbase must be dwindling to almost nothing. I'm actually kind of interested to see how much worse the next movie will do compared to the last.
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Post by mydogspa on Jun 19, 2015 16:17:38 GMT
Xebi,
As much as I agree with you, I'll cut the reviewer some slack because she did actually come to the realization that Grey was a creepy stalker-rapist-control-freak in the 4th book after thinking he wasn't in the first 3 books. You and I knew Grey was creepy from the first book merely by his actions, but hopefully more of the old 'faithful' readers will turn off EL like this author did and reduce EL to has-been status in the long run. That's the real goal. Don't push her back to support EL. Granted, she came late to the realization, but that's OK because she's helping to turn more readers off as well.
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xebi
Full Member
Posts: 144
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Sequel
Jun 20, 2015 7:57:34 GMT
via mobile
Post by xebi on Jun 20, 2015 7:57:34 GMT
I'm with you on that. It's a good point. I'm kind of assuming the author won't read my comments
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Post by rhiannon on Jun 21, 2015 18:17:23 GMT
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