Songs of Grey

Someone on the Amazon critique pages was lamenting ELJ's over-use of the thesaurus, specifically the word "Avuncular." That somehow cued me into thinking about an old Italian song that had a similar-sounding word in its title, so I rewrote the song to fit the Grey Universe.

Sung to the tune "Funiculi, Funicula:"

I'm Ana,
I'm clumsy, naive and I like books.
I dig this guy.
His eyes are grey.

He's rich.
A billionaire some how that doesn't work
But he stalks me.
He's so creepy.

I'm drunk,
He takes my clothes off and stares at me
While I'm asleep.
He's such a creep.

And now,
He e-mails me a kinky contract.
What's a butt plug?
A nipple clamp?

(Chorus)
Oh crap! Oh my! Now I bite my lip.
Murmur, mutter, whisper, smirk, and gasp
I roll my eyes
I purse my lips
I clamber up
I blush, oh Jeez!
Please some one just shoot my inner goddess in the knees!



My car!
He takes my bug, gives me an Audi,
Won't let me drive.
I can't survive.

My mom!
I flee the body guard, go see her.
But Grey shows up.
I'm "What the f--k?"

We pork.
Even though I'm clear I don't want to.
Some call that rape.
I can't escape.

The crop!
I said "do your worst," but now it hurts,
And so I blurt
"You big pervert!"

(Chorus)



How can
I converse with my own subconsious?
You know I can't.
Who's clairvoyant?

My crotch!
EL won't ever use the right words.
It's just "down there,"
"My sex," (I swear!)

So Grey's
Inner voice sounds exactly like mine.
We're both the same.
Ain't that a shame?

This tale
Is about making rape romantic.
EL has the gall,
It hurts us all!

(Chorus)